Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
