There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
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