In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
you guys were way drunker than both of me
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
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