Cold hands, warm shart.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
