Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
He's a Shit stain on my heart
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
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