mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize
