Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Randomize
