Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Randomize
