Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Dear god my vagina.
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