I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Randomize
