Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
my being single is dangerous.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
