So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
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