I didn't shave. On purpose
I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
