I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Randomize
