On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Randomize