Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
I have so many feelings about this burrito
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize