are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
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