So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
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