Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
