I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Randomize
