Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
