You really coming over, don't trick.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
