someone get that fucking seahorse.
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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