You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
