her vagine was all disorganized.
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Randomize
