We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Randomize
