I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Never let your siblings swipe right.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
