my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
We just shotgunned beers for America
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
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