Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
