If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize