Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
