So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
