Who wears a wallet chain?!
only you would photoshop your dick
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Randomize
