I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Randomize
