He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Randomize
