Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
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