the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Randomize