Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
