You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
we made out on top of his cat.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
