i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
