My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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