this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
Sober January is a disaster.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
