After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
