haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
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