Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
Please, let me fuck your mom
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize
