I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
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