Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
