I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
