Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
