You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize