I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
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