i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
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