oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Randomize
