My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
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