Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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