just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize