Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
