She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
