He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
