dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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