Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
